two dogs

dog one: it might be nice to be human.
dog two: it would be horrible to be human!

dog one: how so?
dog two: humans have a desease, its called the human condition and there is no cure.

dog one: kinda like herpes?
dog two: whats a herpe?

dog one: never mind, so what's the human condition anyway?
dog two: it's complicated.

dog one: what is?
dog two: the human condition.

dog one: and?
dog two: there is no more, it's just complicated.

dog one: how do you catch it?
dog two: every human is born with it.

dog one: can I catch it?
dog two: no, you silly, us dogs we live in the moment.

dog one: so what are the symptoms?
dog two: doubt, anxiety, guilt, and an overwhelming sense of worthlessness.

dog one: I have no idea what those things are.
dog two: exactly.

dog one: poor buggers
dog two: yeah, they do try to minimize the damage.

dog one: how so?
dog two: they created philosophy, theology, sociology, the mall, and someone named Oprah.

dog one: seems to me they like to think a lot about themselves.
dog two: it's pretty much a full time job.

dog one: maybe thats why cesar millan is such a jerk.
dog two: exactly! humans get all kinds of excited when he controls us. shit, I can control a herd of sheep with my eyes... cesar millan my ass.

dog one: soooo, what's on the agenda for today?
dog two: hmmmm, kinda thought about licking the spot where my balls used to be, as for the rest of it, I make it up as I go along.

dog one: exactly.